I hope you didn’t block me before you got the last, most important text from me. I know I’m a lot to handle, and if you want to give up entirely, I understand and I can’t blame you, but if you’ll look through some of this stuff maybe you’ll understand better what’s going on, and it could help you be more helpful for me, because that’s what I need more than anything. but you’re in no way responsible for me or my heart. in the end, it’s all up to me to get rid of the toxic life I’ve been leading lately.
p.s. I have you blocked now on my phone because I’m very terrified as to how you’re going to respond instantaneously when you see how many missed texts and calls you have, and I don’t think I could handle that right now. I would love if you would write me back, with kindness in your heart and words, or I suppose you always have the option of just not; not replying, not speaking to me, not seeing me, it’s all up to you.
I found this quote in one article to give you an idea at least of what’s going on, and why I am SO terrified because I’ve been in the state of depression so severe you physically and emotionally can’t seem to fathom any kind of emotion at all, including crying, that’s why I know just my crying outbursts are the calm before the storm that possibly could be lurking around the corner, and I’m terrified if it comes back I won’t be able to fight it off again, it’s just so draining and such a battle.
"In a depressive state, an individual may cry easily and without cause. In severe depression, an individual may lose the capacity to cry, despite feeling sad."
another article that can help explain it from my side of view sometimes:
last but not least because I know you’ll get side tracked after watching a youtube video, and because I feel this might be my last hope at getting through to you how I’m feeling in a more factual way since that’s more your forte:
Xx and always.